Born too late to deploy to the Middle East Born too early to deploy to the Middle East Born just in time to deploy to the Middle East
Coworker: hey, want to see pictures of my kids from the Memorial Day weekend? Me: sure, just a sec..
FIFA 21, FIFA 19, FIFA 17, FIFA 16, FIFA 15, FIFA 14, FIFA 13, FIFA 12, FIFA 11, FIFA 10, @_VEOANIME
How those dudes in 8th grade would look at u while showing you a cartel execution at 8:37 on an overcast Monday morning
Google maps says we arrive at 9pm Google maps is challenging you, supreme master of the roads, this is not the time for arrival but the time you need to beat
me 12 redbull vodkas deep and halfway thru an 8ball going up to the milf at the bar to ask if it's her 25th birthday
Imagine if instead of killing each other slavs worked together. We could steal every car in Germany in three days.
Told my Italian housemate a gangbang was when you go out with your friends so she facebooked this.. Pre gang bang selfie with the house #lads - with Ryan Warrener and 3 others. See More
Guess how many woman I had sex with Mmm? Jeez, not that many
Authoritarian, Left, Right, Libertarian, bye men, by men, bi men, buy men
when you write 10 lines of code without searching on Google. It ain't much, but it's honest work
They say goths are the scary ones but women who dress like this scare me 100000x more
"No need to reschedule" is WILD Hey, I have to cancel our park date today. No need to reschedule. Best of luck with everything!
wikiHow How to negotiate a higher salary Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC Updated: June 3, 2019 MEME ZAR
Mom: iF aLL yOuR frEiNds jUMpeD oFF a cLiFF wOUld yoU?! 10 y/o me Current me
AURORA AUSTRALIS?! IN THE BLEEDIN' DAYTIME IN BLOODY SUMMER IN THIS PART OF THE OUTBACK CONTAINED IN YOUR DUNNY? YEAH MATE GIVE US A SQUIZ? YEAH NAH
When you're about to smash and she says "tell me you love me."
Treatment Resistant DEPRESSION Ketamine CharlestonKetamineCenter.com Words cannot describe the billboard I just saw
"HOLY SHIT AN ATTRACTIVE BLONDE GIRL IS MY UBER DRIVER. YEAH NO TATTOOS OR ANYTHING. ITS THE BOTTOM. BUY EVERYTHING"
How you look when saying that January 6 was an insurrection
Is the Cure to Male Loneliness building B2B SaaS with the homies?
If there's no oxygen in space then how the sun is still burning?
Eric, CEO of the Swiss... This is what car manufacturers have taken from you
NATURAL MINERAL WATER
MOM,CAN I HAVE NEUROTRANSMITTERS. NO,WE HAVE NEUROTRANSMITTERS AT HOME. serotonin, dopamine, NEUROTRANSMITTERS AT HOME. ADRENALINE, CORTISOL, STRESS RESPONSE
The Chad. Laughs at Australlan's jokes because he is afraid of them. Got bashed by some blackcunts from him. Is a soft cunt. Bit of a sook. Cant handle the banter. Complains on twitter as soyboy commies burn his nations flag. The Bruce. Laughs at his own jokes because they are funny. Is a fukn sicko. Made all the diggers proud as he wore the nations flag as a cape and bashed some wogs. She'll be right mate until it isnt then its fucked. Glassed some cunt at the pub. Cant stay mad at the black fellas for too long coz they are cheeky buggers. Walks everywhere barefoot coz its a free country so fuck off
The lion does not concern himself with a burning chest pain, fatigue and heart palpitations
"Sir, we've shifted some members of delta to your security detail." Hegseth: How are their racks? "Sir? They're very lean. These men are the best in the business." Hegseth: Men? "Yes sir.." Hegseth: Cute blondes that look like twins. Immediately. "Sir, please." Hegseth: Tight asses, real hardbodies. No twerk butts. Yeah, we're back.
>tfw lived long enough to see Ubisoft go fucking bankrupt
When the couple you let buy you a drink start giving you this look...
This how the barber looks when he trying to find a way to fix your hairline after he fucked it up
my organs watching me take 800mg of ibuprofen on an empty stomach and chase it with 2 energy drinks
The Masculine Daydream where you stay behind to hold off a pursuing force while your loved ones escape.
The 32 year old VOOTER. "What?! You aren't going to VOOT?! It is your civic dooty!!" Thinks his voot makes a difference and actually changes anything. vooted for over 14 years already, nothing changed. "OOOHHHH YEAH, I'M VOOOOTIN!!!!" Thinks vooting is the solution to the world's problems when it hasn't even solved anything in his own country. "Give me the ability to voot and I'll never revolt." Housing? basic necessities? nah just need voooooting. Still foolishly thinks "the people have the power!" like a child. Has no goals, thoughts or ideas beyond what the media or US government alphabet agencies spoon-feeds him.
How I looked at bro when he told me he took his girl to a library to tell her he cheated so she can't yell at him:
Iran talkn crazy like this president dont got 34 felonys, 3 bms and got popped. Siri play many men
REPUBLICANS WILL BE EXPOSED BY THIS TOO! GOOD.
Dad: Where were you last night? Daughter: I was at a party smoking weed Dad: Don't lie, you were at the library you fucking nerd
humiliating. looks like shit. yet another massive W for earth, the best planet in the universe we've seen eclipses on earth, so here's an eclipse from mars. this is mars's moon phobos eclipsing the sun.
Germany: Alright, the war's going great, now we only have to worry about Russia and Great Brit- Japan: *Bombs Pearl Harbor* Germany:
I'm on a very specific diet
LAZY GLASSES BUTTER READ AT A 90 ANGLE what u see vs. what she sees
You've just ordered Pizza Hut and a 2L Mountain Dew. You've loaded up Oblivion on your PC. No school tomorrow. Your parents don't care if you stay up all night long. A perfect Summer night. You are 39 years old. The year is 2025
Mr. November just fucked me over @DoctorPazuzu this image is from 1993 MY ANTI DEPRESSANTS JUST KICKED IN ! FANTASTIC ! GAY! vroom vroom!
WHEN I TELL MY GIRLFRIEND I'D DO ANYTHING FOR HER I MEANT STUFF LIKE THIS... NOT CLEAN THE BASEMENT AND WASH THE DISHES
I could've ordered a pizza and had it last longer.
Her son watching me sprinkle the cheese on his last pizza lunchable at 2am
The illusion... Chiefs win superbowl Eagles win superbowl ...of free choice. Philadelphia crime rate goes up
have we checked all food to see if exploding them makes them into something better or did we just stop with corn
I'm not fuckin dying for Israel
Rook at me! My name is Jeff, how about that footbar game? Boy I rove avocado toast hahahah
I need the Fanta girl to piss in my mouth :3 None of you are seeing heaven.
When your girlfriend is arguing with her dad and she says "my boyfriend isn't scared of you!"
Would you fuck your friends for $10 Billion? My homie. Me soon to be a multibillionare
setup punchline Comments "punchline" I lost it when he said "punchline" Guy 1: "setup" Guy 2: "punchline" "punchline"
this girlfriend shit easy af. Look it's me and you. AWWW. US
When men are in charge of hiring: When women are in charge of hiring:
So I'm just gonna say it, Iran was mining Bitcoin in the mountains. Hashrate Difficulty Hashrate (MA)
When a fat chick tries to impress you by sucking you off after you bust. That'll do pig
YOU WOULDN'T finish A task
How I Made $290,000 Selling Books
RED NOSE DOUGHNUT x4 NOT SUITABLE FOR VEGETA
Me fighting off thirsty girls in my DM after they witness my majestic meme wizardry
Kanye fans that like his music. Kanye fans that just like his racism
How I look at her kids after I turn on paw patrol and walk they mom in the room
The girl with a daddy kink when I tell her to hold the fucking flashlight still:
When bro sends you 20 vids so now you're reacting as if you're grading an exam
Your King name: All letters of your first name + All letters of your last name
do beavers even know what they're doing or do they just see water flowing down a river and think "absolutely not"
How every far left liberal girl looks after getting the absolute worst haircut imaginable.
Me going to tell my family that they don't have to live in this old and small house anymore (I lost it in gambling)
Mario @PawlowskiMario 12h In a 1000 years people won't know how real JD Vance looked like
SORRY, BUT A.I. CANNOT ATTEND ART SCHOOL. STONETOSS.COM
I'm no longer supporting SpaceX and will change my support to NASA. I refuse to support any organization that hires Nazis. NASA:
NEVER JUDGE SOMEONE WITHOUT KNOWING THE WHOLE STORY. I HATE HIM. HE DOESN'T DESERVE A TIP. SELFLESSNESS. STRUGGLE. UNNECESSARY HATE. Landlords. ENSURING YOU SAFE LIVING
Supposedly the moon landing is not a hoax. Can you present facts on why it's real? Not just "because le government said it happened, so it must be real". You can look through a telescope and see tracks the moon rovers made. NASA hand-drew those on every telescope.
Don't settle for anything less kings
Tyrone tht white girl will never love u more than she loves that dog. It'll never work out. Do u even like Starbucks?
Victoria's Secret hires their first down syndrome model, SIGH (ZIP)
FAR LEFT, FAR RIGHT, ANTISEMITISM
MESSAGES Disney now Bro you want a job? @hamishsteele I bet if they made Ratatouille 2 it would've been like Ratatouille: International and they would've entered a cookery contest and met chefs from around the world but they all had different rats in their hats like a Sushi rat and a Guy Fieri rat and a Germany rat called Ratwurst.
This and a girl with a bush
"dude I'm not kidding, you just walk around in one of those fancy Dr. coats and girls will show you their vaginas"
Girls be talking up a big game in txts but once you get them in bed they be like ANIMORPHS Everything changes. But not quite like this, Watch ANIMORPHS on TV The Separation K. A. Applegate
THE VIRGIN TARIFFS WORRIER THE CHAD "WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS Lmao" -panics over trade policy -doesn't give a shit -gets all of his news from the Los Angeles Times -sits back and relaxes -fights with people on World of Warcraft -gets all of his news from the Los Angeles Times -obsesses over imports and exports unbothered king -sits back and relaxes
Me: I think I'm gonna cum. Her: Hold on... Just think about the holocaust or something trag-
Parents: you should be saving money for the future. The future:
you jerk off to pornography. i jerk off to abstract ideas like success and Fat bitches fighting over food we are not the same.
You can't enjoy Kanye's music anymore, haven't you read his tweets?! Me enjoying both his music and his tweets:
After Putin call, Trump says negotiations to eradicate Disney adults have begun.
I GOT LOCKJAW DOING GRAVEYARD SHIFTS AT THE Dicksucking Factory AND ALL I GOT WAS LOCKJAW AS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED
Dudes in the 1700's hitting it from the back
What girls smelled like in the 90s. SUN-RIPENED RASPBERRY Body Splash With Moisturizing Aloe Vera 7.8 FL OZ/230 ml e Bath & Body Works FILTER CIGARETTES Marlboro SMOOTH ORIGINAL FLAVOR
When you finally catch the person that's been writing bad code all the time
My girlfriend: I have had the most stressful day ever. Me: I've got just the thing for that!
I'm not sure what's more outrageous the haircut or the name. QUINDARIOUS GOOCH. UNLAWFUL POSS. OF MARIJUANA
born too late to: born too early to: born just in time to: workday in
You held every workplace in America hostage to toxic, morbidly obese, purple-haired goblins so now you get to be fired by 19yr old white kids with an IQ of 184. I don't make the rules. "Bro fr what do you even do here?"
Woman Texting Group Chat About Crush Double-Checks That 'Atlantic' Editor Not in Here
When you find a good meme and send it to your two friends